www.belovedpillow.wix.com/be-loved-pillow
Separation is hard. We feel an aching in our heart. We search for ways to cope.
I think an important step in coping is to actually let yourself have ALL your feelings, not just the ones you think are 'OK' to have. All feelings are valid...(true, we can't act them all out), but we need to have them (because they are there for a reason): so we can understand them.. so we can learn from them...so we can 'have them' instead of 'them having us'.
10 years ago I volunteered to help out at a workshop for children who had just lost someone very close to them. The workshop was meant to give the children some coping skills and understanding to help them through their grieving process. I wondered how I could help these kids. I am not a therapist but I have felt loss and seen others grieve so I had some life experience to bring.
First of all, I know it is important to have your feelings acknowledged.
When your heart is broken the worst thing you can hear is "oh don't be so sad" or "crying doesn't help" etc..etc. What feels good to hear is someone acknowledging your pain, "you are really going through something difficult, it must be hard...".
I wanted the kids to know their pain was acknowledged, that it was normal and that it was ok to feel it.
I am an artist so I had to make something and it had to be useful... as well as lovable.
So, with the help of my mother and my husband, the 'be loved pillow' was born!
The pillow has a deep soft interior, meant to keep special treasures: cherished meaningful items, photos, drawings etc.
When I gave the pillows to the kids I suggested it might feel good to put something inside the pillow that belonged to their loved one...and that it might feel good to write down or draw how they felt and put that inside the pillow, and that they might want to keep photos in their pillows....and that everything inside the pillow was private unless they wanted to share and that when all that stuff they chose is inside the pillow it was meant to hug and hug and hug. And the kids LOVED them! And when parents came to pick up their kids they wanted one too (it was good I made extras!). And I realized...this little pillow, this 'be loved pillow' can be really good for just about anyone, anyone who misses someone, anyone who is going through a rough time, anyone...because it feels good to choose the things that go inside and it feels good to have those things be transformed into a warm comforting hug!
So that is one of my stories, the story of the 'be loved pillow'. Next I think I will talk about my daughter Sophie and the big golden bag stuffed with 'treasures' she used to carry around with her when her father and I first got divorced. The golden bag was the inspiration for the 'be loved pillow', I have to thank my daughter for that!!!!
I would love to hear your story, a story, a story that has something to do with difficult times.....missing someone, or some place, or some time...and how you coped or cope.
